Thursday, August 21, 2008

glad to be back

even tho my template backround is red,, and my cursor keeps jumping around i can at least communicate with all the important people. You guys (even those of you I don't know) are so damn clever. You come up with the funniest, most thoughful and intelligent ramblings. I am truly humbled. Actually I'm embarrassed and insecure. Which brings me to my apology to myself. I apologize to myself for always being so critical, impatient and unforgiving. I don't cut myself any slack. I reread a blog from the other day and i misused a word. I meant to write "here" and I wrote "hear". Geeeez, I wanted to revoke my right to write. I don't care if everyone else has typos. Who has time to critique themselves so closely? Every day I look in the mirror and am disgusted by what age has done to my face and body. Kim is always telling me I look the way I'm suppose to for my age. I'm not aging gracefully and it is really getting in the way of living life. Funny thing is I've never thought I looked good enough. Now I look back at photos where I thought I looked terrible and wish I could look like that now. I have always admired people who get out and do things no matter what. When people have confidence instead of insecurity, they automatically appear beautiful. From the time I wake up until I go to bed I think I shouldn't make any mistakes. The people I live with can assure you tyhat isn't the case. I am always tripping myself up. But here's the thing; I do an awful lot of things right. And I do them well.. No more room to blog. To be continued.

4 comments:

Kimber said...

I'll be home tonight and check out the puter again. You will look back to this time 20 years ago and wish you looks so good, so you might as well enjoy it now.

andrealamorand said...

It's too bad you are so harsh on yourself. I think you're awesome! I wish you could see yourself as others see you.
I have no idea why you say the things you do... you're a funny, sweet, pretty, intelligent person.
Focus on the positive, there is plenty of it!

Mommy Phoenix said...

Hey I think you look great for your age! and I'm not even sure what age that is, but since I know Kim's age I have an idea. Like I said I think you look great, and I've only met you once!
I know how you feel though about the pics you used to hate. I hate the pics i'm in now, so I know when I am your age I will be doing the same thing "God I wish I could look like that again" or something like that.

cassdawn said...

i totally relate to the whole looking at pictures thing and wishing it was that way now even though i know "back then" i felt hideous. and of course it's something that i . . . wait for it . . . obsess about.

i think you look good - the only thing that really detracts from that is that i can tell that you don't think so.

plus when i see you i see someone who is interesting and who knows something about life. and no, that isn't a euphemism for 'you look old' - plenty of people get very old and still don't know shit about life.

and kimber - don't ever try to cheer me up okay? cuz i read your comment like this "well, you might look like shit now but it's only going downhill baby" :)