Thursday, July 31, 2008

pressure

Song for the day "Pressure" by Billy Joel. I really like the idea of "the Blog". But now I'm informed by fellow bloggers that I must visit the space a lot more to read and blog. I am so far behind in my life. I really need to figure out how to shut things off in my head. I'm sure someone will relate to this. Now, I am sorry about the following; but this is more for me to vent. It will be really boring to anyone else. I won't be offended if u just leave....go ahead, leave. It's ok. ....R u still here? Doesn't that seem like the end of Ferris Bueller? See how my head is all over the place. So Andrea is picking me up at 5 so we can go to dinner. I have to get in the shower. I can already feel the wheel of fear starting;. I try never to leave my house. I am a recovering agoraphobic among other things. I seem to be relapsing somewhat in the past couple of months. I have to be out of diet coke or cigs to force me out. Once I get out it really isn't too bad. It's actually imaginging going out the door and getting in the car. I have a physical reaction. So my list of things to do in no particular order--only as it comes up in my mind.:
Get my mothers wireless headphones up and running. I've only been working on this since christmas.
Fill out that damn spending incentive paperwork for my mother and myself.
Send thank you notes for Sadies birthday. Woops-I think that ship has sailed. Time just takes care of some crap. Except now everyone thinks my daughter is an ungrateful present monger.
I took responsibility for doing that cuz I thought I should. Kim told me to forget it. I put that pressure on myself.
Watch a movie kim gave me.
Listen and watch dvd on Jeff Buckley that Jesse loaned me. I want to. I really really do.
Send away for my mothers hearing aid batteries so I dont have to keep buying them.
Go apply for state medical again. Oh god, just the thought of that.
take my cat to the vet to get her shaved for summer. I think that one will go by the wayside too.
take back some stuff to several stores before its too late
Find the recpt's for said stuff.
actually, that might be all for now. I know there's more but I can't think right now. So it isnt as bad as I thought. These are all just things I dont want to do. Oh, the other things are. like, check out My space and the blog space and now The rock star thing jesse signed me up on.
I need a nap.xxxoooo I have obsessive compulsive disorder with an avoidant personality. :)

3 comments:

andrealamorand said...

I am avoiding writing a list like that of crap that needs to get done. As far as leaving the house, I will make it easy for you and fart in the living room, so you have no choice but to leave the house or endure the chili fart.
Muahahahahahah!!!! >:)

Scooter said...

It's good to have loving relatives, isn't it?

Chris, you're all right. You're working on it, and are willing to talk about it. That's the best anyone can ask of anyone else... just to keep going.

cassdawn said...

when my ex-therapist informed me that i was OCD . . . well, first of all, let's mention that he said it in an off-handed way. when he saw i was shocked he said 'oh, honey, i'm sorry, i assumed you knew'

well, once he told me, i said, i thought people with OCD had clean houses. this is when he dropped the bad news that i was heavy on the O and the D and light on the C. i asked if there was a way to just pick up compulsion but . ..

anyhoo, i can relate to a lot of what you said - some of it *identical* - malachai's birthday was a month before sadie's and i have done squat in the thank you department and if i only thanked people as much as i think about how grateful i am well you would all have overflowing mailboxes. hell - i owe you a thank you for your hospitality when we were there . . . sigh

xoxo